Three days ago, I got scolded by my mum

Two days ago, I got scolded by my dad

Yesterday, I got scolded by my teacher.

I hate my life.

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Why do I have to go through so much pain and torture just to get my application in?

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And why am I the only one to go through it?

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The cello vs. composition debate has come up at least once a semester, but each time I have told Dr. the same thing: that I don't want to change. This time, however, he took matters into his own hands and said that I should go to VH for a reference since I'm changing major. When I told him I decided not to change major, he said he needed to think about giving me a reference.

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On hindsight, it is very true that my attitude has been bad this whole academic year, and I have let him down badly, and I understand why he doesn't want to teach me anymore. I have also made NAFA history by being the first student to be scolded for practising too much. However, it isn't true that I'm not interested in composition, else I wouldn't have applied in the first place. The truth is probably that I don't have the mental endurance to sit down and keep writing, writing, writing.

I don't want to have a large output which is mostly crap.

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In any case, this caused my application to be late (read: unsubmitted) because the aforementioned event was in end-April, and the exam was on 12 May, and I had no intention of repeating year 3 as Long Haired Dude's classmate. (Not that I don't like him or anything.) Thus, exams first.

It was only after the exams that I managed to find the time to have a good talk with most of the lecturers: Dr., EW, and VH. EW was ok with taking me for PS if I decided to take composition.

After that, I went to look for RA, who slotted me in for the interview anyway. During the interview, the lecturers were ok with me taking either, and supported my decision to take a year off to practise and then reaudition for cello if I so desired.

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Fast forward a few days. I talked to my mum about the possibility of taking a year off to audition for cello, and got scolded by her. I'm frankly quite disappointed in her. Call herself a piano teacher, yet she has the mentality of a non-musician. She just wanted me to get the degree over and done with as fast as possible.

Isn't this what Dr. termed as a 'typical Singaporean parent'?

I tried to explain to her that since I skipped first year, the year off would even it out, but she would have none of it.

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The next day, I talked to my dad about the issue, and got scolded by him. He was, if it was possible, even more unreasonable than mum, and gave an even longer lecture. He even raised his voice at me. Basically it boiled down to the same thing: get the degree over and done with as fast as possible.

He said, 'If you are going to fail fourth year, even if you take a year off, you will still fail!' Can't blame him though, since he's the only music idiot in the family.

I tried to explain to him that since I skipped first year, the year off would even it out, but he would have none of it.

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So, why did I skip first year, against Dr.'s wishes? T'was the wish of the 'typical Singaporean parents', it was... And now they just take the year 'earned' and refuse to concede any of it, even when I really need it.

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The next day, I went to school to look for RA. My final decision: to submit a double application for both composition and cello. Yes, to brave it all and smash my way to a cello degree in one year flat. Sounds exciting, huh?

Next big event of the day? Got scolded by Dr., when I asked him to refer me. It seems that he was unhappy with me using composition as a safety net.

But what can I do? Tis not my wish...

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Anyway, with a bit of difficulty, he agreed to write my reference.

My audition recital is on July 13, 2009.

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That night, I had a rather unusual turn of events which landed me in school at about 9pm to practise. As I practised, I felt myself fall into a deep, deep depression. I was really aware, then, of the insurmountability of the task at hand:

- One year of recital, crammed into one and a half months.
- Four years of Carl Flesch, crammed into half a year.
- Four years of orchestral excerpts, crammed into one year.

Not to mention, of course, etudes at the half-year mark and a 45-minute recital at the one-year mark.

What the hell have I gotten myself into???

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Fight, or quit? If I can do it, I will truly be Best Graduate.

I really, really hate my life.