'In first place...

'... for the first time in NAFA history...

'... a non performance major takes the top spot... in first place, we have Tan Wen-Bin with a very fine performance of the Haydn C major cello concerto!'

...

......

.........

Yes, of course it's a wishful fantasy. But don't we all have our own little fantasies from time to time? Or even, all the time?

The crowd goes wild...

But why am I laying bare my innermost fantasies like this? Well, I guess it's because I know that a fantasy will only be a fantasy. A mere figment of my imagination.

My knees go weak with shock. My accompanist has to help me to my feet as I stagger onto the stage, looking at the judge's beaming face in disbelief...

At this crucial juncture, I'm feeling the politicking more than ever. It disillusions me, it really does. It makes me think that music is getting corrupted, and even makes me wonder whether it's really worth traveling this path after all.

The audience is still cheering as I receive the envelope from the judge... but then I notice something wrong. They aren't cheering... they're booing!

This is my first time preparing for a competition. And so far, it's been a more unpleasant experience than a pleasant one.

... Naziface comparing me unfavourably with MJ at every single opportunity... Heck, he probably signed her up so that I would get kicked out...

... The Doc scolding me for practising too much... I guess if he had a say in things, he would vote me out so I can concentrate on PS...

... Sometimes I really hate my life.

Amidst the tumult, I start to make out the words they are screaming. 'What?! He's a compo major! How can they possibly let him win...?!' Trembling, I throw the envelope to the floor, and run off the stage, into the inky blackness of the backstage... where I rightfully belong...

But, there have been the rewards, too...

... My friends have been awfully supportive of my decision to take part. The Chinese instrumentalists, in particular, have been wonderful. It is because of you people that I make an effort to stay in the ensemble, despite my workload...

... It's been one heck of an exciting journey, despite the rough terrain, obstacles, and various setbacks. Writing my own cadenza. My 7-hour practice marathon. Paying for masterclasses with Yu Laoshi. Getting my cello set up. Basically being meticulous in my preparations...

... Most importantly, I've emerged a better musician from it all. My teacher said so. And I feel I've really grown from this journey...

The backstage seems to go on endlessly as I keep on running, tears flowing down my cheeks as cruel words ring forth in my mind...

'You should be composing! ...Go and change major!'

'Just look at her, she projects like a rocket! You've improved so much, but she's still way beyond you, I'm sorry. You don't have a chance...'

'I heard that you are taking part in the concerto competition. Is it true?'

And then...

... I wake up.

...

The stage is set, really. There's nothing I can do about it. According to RA, Herr Nazi is back on Wednesday so he will be sitting on the panel, which means I have not a chance in hell to go through.

So, I treat this round with deadly seriousness. Basically, I will go onstage as though I am playing for the finals, because...

The preliminaries are the finals for me.

It's a bit sad, but I take comfort in the fact that my friends will be there, rooting for me. All that matters now, is to give a great performance on Friday.

For my friends.

For my special someone.

For myself.

For the Lord, too.

In summation, I would like to formally invite you, the reader of this post, to the strings preliminary round of the concerto competition, Friday, 6th February, 11am-1pm. Venue *should* be the Recital Studio. Hope you can turn up, because I will be needing your support!