silver strings

Thursday, December 10, 2009

farewell, my wife...

More conclusive proof that the parents fucked it up again...

Today I finally threw away my first cello. A simple decision to throw it away actually took years to process when they involved themselves. Thank God neither of them are CEO's, eh?

The simple facts are:

- The cello is quite condemned. In addition to the neck being severely warped, the knob on my endpin screw is also broken. The cost to repair it is more than the price of a new instrument.

- I can forget about selling it because no one would want it even if I gave it away free. Cash Converters wouldn't want it because, well, it isn't in a playable state.

For the longest time now, these have been their responses:

Dad: Whatever. Just try to sell it for a token sum. (Not listening)

Mum: Keep it first, don't make rash decisions. If you repair it, next time you can use it for teaching. (Avoiding the issue + a bit of not listening)

All this while, the cello has just been gathering mould in my cupboard, and damn I need the space. I started to make noise about it. After all, since I was adamant that it could not even be sold for a penny (except to the karung guni, but there are no karung guni men around our area), if they really want to sell it, they should be responsible for it not me. If they are sooo stingy they want to recoup as much of their initial money... It's only $600 for goodness sake, and any string player will tell you a cheap instrument is no investment, it depreciates rapidly with unuse...

Anyway, mum promised that she would move the cello out of the cupboard. That was months ago, and on Sunday I got really pissed off and smsed her 'I want the cello out of the cupboard today'. She replied 'Today not free. Tuesday'. Well, today is Thursday and as expected, nothing's been done so I smsed her my final, non-negotiable decision, stripped the cello down, and threw it away (left it at the bulky refuse area). I kept the tuning pegs, bridge, endpin, and of course, the case.

It sucks that instead of feeling emotional that I have to let it go, I instead feel angry and full of hatred that I actually have to fight to let it go. Why must they fuck everything up? Why can't they just listen to me?

The Prof :: 4:54 AM

Monday, December 7, 2009

surreal.

Just back from a totally surreal weekend, in which I was in JB for a string orchestra performance with FUSED on Friday, and then freelancing with the metal band Abyssal on Saturday.

Foon Yew High School Auditorium. Check out the tiny stage.

That idiot in the centre looks a bit like me... I'm actually playing the Finale from the C major cello concerto by Haydn. Stage is so tiny that my endpin is actually backed up against the stairs, and I didn't need a stopper at all.

This photo was taken with Zhe Khai, who if I remember correctly is an alumnus of Foon Yew High School like Maestros Yik Ki and Pheck Chuan. It's nice to know some of the audience think I was great, even though the truth was that I was underprepared and had wrong notes by the barrelful...

The very next day, I would be going from classical to metal. From solo to solo. Talk about psycho. Or rather, psycho 180-degree changes.

Ever wondered what a demon looks like?

That's Zahid, our drummer.

Camera flash eliminated most of the effect on this one. The makeup was done by Carmen, our keyboardist (above). She's a very professional, Cosmoprof-certified makeup artist, and she's more than willing to make you pretty or monstrous as the occasion demands, for very reasonable prices too. Check out her blog here.

The gig itself. Damn it was hot in there.

Move aside, Apocalyptica.

In all, the gig was a tremendous success, despite the extreme setbacks we faced, right up to the last minute of it all. I sure look forward to the next one. Whenever that may be...

The Prof :: 7:39 AM

Friday, November 27, 2009

Hornets from Hell.

The first Elim-esque blog post of mine. Those familiar with the development of sports supplements will know there's a new product making its rounds in the scene, known as Hornet Juice.

Now truth be told, I don't know anyone who actually takes this stuff, but it's a recreation of the amino acids found in the secretions of Japanese giant hornet larvae, which, when consumed by the adult hornets (yes, the babies feed their parents, awww), enables them to fly 50 miles a day at up to 20 miles an hour. That's 2 full marathons for you.

(The video was uploaded by a user named 'hornetjuice'... looks like the company has its own YouTube account.)

It also enables a small squad of 30 hornets to kill an entire hive of 30,000 honey bees in 3 hours.

Here's another video of giant hornets taking on a mantis. Note the mantis can't even get a grip on the ferocious hornet.

But, not before the bees get their own back. These are Japanese bees, not European honeybees, and probably not cultivated.

Take out the scout, that's the way. Then the location of the hive dies along with it.

The Prof :: 4:07 AM

Sunday, October 11, 2009

bitch owned.

As promised, today is Sunday, which also meant I owned the mum from the previous post left to right, inside out. I didn't exactly throw her out, per se, but I did show her then and there who's the teacher, and rightly so. Feeling super good now. Nothing like a good workout of my inner alpha male.

The first thing I said to her was, 'Did I say you can come in?' Turns out she'd arrived some 5 minutes early and decided to very self-servingly saunter into the classroom when I was still setting up. If she is the type who will bargain for every last minute of lesson time, then I'm not going to let her start even one minute early. Sorry.

After that, it was 'No, you will NOT look at the half-size cello!' when she asked yet again. Fortunately I did not have to unleash any more flak after explaining why oversize instruments are not just difficult to play, they are outright dangerous and she would end up paying more in medical bills than the money she saves by skipping sizes. My feathers were, however, infinitely ruffled by a snide comment she made which went something like 'But at home... still half a [sic] size...' If she goes ahead and buys an oversize instrument against my recommendation, I will so refuse to teach.

When I was teaching the girl to tighten the bow hair, the mum asked how one knew whether the bow hair was tight enough. She then felt the bow hair, to which I replied no, don't touch the hair, you go by sight - the space between the hair and the stick is about a stick's width, and then again there is, of course, a margin of error, no need to be exact. She then ignored my words, went to squeeze the hair again and said 'but must feel what', to which I replied 'No, you do NOT touch the hair!'

Today's lesson went pretty well, but sadly enough there were still the usual ignorant comments and style-cramping criticisms. I put up with her for a bit (though I did threaten to ask her to leave the room), but finally owned her again when I finally came to getting the girl to hold the bow. (For those in the know, I usually use the Essential Elements series for little kids, which starts off with pizzicato first and then bowing later.) The mum said 'Good, this is what I want.' Rage built up in me and I retaliated with:

'No, this is what -I- want! Who gives a damn what YOU want? Who's the teacher, you or me?'

She said I was 'too serious'. I say she talks too much and constantly undermines my authority.

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Verses for next week:

'When it comes to cello lessons, Mdm. is not the final authority, I AM. If you think you can get the boss to override me, you can jolly well think again.'

'If you dare to get a half-size instrument against my recommendation, I will refuse to teach and you can say bye-bye to your fees.'

'When I say one, I will not have anyone saying 1.1. You can only agree with me 100%; if you dare to contradict me in the slightest, then you will leave the classroom.'

Not very in the style of a teacher, I know. But then again a teacher must demonstrate an ability to be fierce when the situation calls for it. And to stop parents from climbing (or jumping) on top of your head.

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On another note, I submitted my resignation today, and to my surprise, they begged me to stay. How nice...? They said they were aware of the problems and were getting in a new admin soon to solve them. I told them I wouldn't promise anything.

The Prof :: 8:18 AM

Sunday, October 4, 2009

grr.

Just blogging to get this out of my system.

I've a new student today, and her mum totally managed to get on the wrong side of me. In fact, she brought my blood to a rolling boil by just having to complain and comment about every single detail and aspect of my teaching. More than half of what she said was wrong, though.

She complained about the room I was using being so open. (SO? It's glass walled. What'd you wanna me to do? Paint them over?)

She complained about the room being stuffy. (SO?? Ok ok, it's usually the case when I just switch on the aircon.)

She complained about the stool her daughter was using being too low. (WRONG - it was just nice.)

With reference to point above, she said that 'that's why must have adjustable stool'. Like we are so very deficient because we don't have one. (WRONG, bitch - there is a margin of error for stool/chair height. Anyway drum stools aren't suitable for cellists.)

As I was about to start, she said she wanted to look at the Synwin half-size cello. (WRONG MOVE - this is a taboo because a few weeks earlier, during the trial class, I had already expressed my strong stance AGAINST her getting a half-size instrument.)

She seemed to make a big deal of the fact that the lady boss had told her over the phone that Synwin instruments were somewhat better than Eurostring ones, but told her otherwise today, and that she said there was a Synwin 1/2 size cello in school, but when we took it out, it was actually a Eurostring. (SO??? Is any of this actually important?)

I got into a slight argument with her because she was quite insistent on getting a half-size instrument for the daughter, on the grounds that she wouldn't have to buy so many instruments since 'they grow out of them really fast'. (WRONG AND STUPID!!!)

As I was starting, she commented that 'cello uses bass clef right? At first I thought don't bother with cello because it uses alto clef.' (Act smart - FAIL.)

When I was teaching, she played surrogate teacher and tried to tell me what to do. (WRONG MOVE - are you the teacher or am I the teacher, bitch?)

Near the end of the lesson, she said that I should give an extra 5-10 minutes because we started late and 'it's not our fault'. I replied 'it's not my fault either'. (WRONG AND STUPID - it IS your fault for wasting time about the 1/2 size cello, retard.)

I promise I will kick her most unceremoniously out of the class next Sunday.

The Prof :: 9:18 AM

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Matthew 4:3-4

The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become BreadTalk."
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on BreadTalk alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

The Dangers of Overanalysis

This is also known as 'reading too far between the lines', 'seeing ghosts where there are none', and, in the field of music, 'giving the composer too much credit'.

One prime example is Elgar's Enigma Variations. I'm convinced that the name is just a nice name, but that doesn't stop musicologists from analyzing it and trying to find an actual enigma inside. So far they have not found any. My opinion is that the name is similar to Heinrich Biber's Mystery Sonatas. Why aren't people poking it to find out what the mystery is?

When it comes to such connotations especially religious ones, some observations are just. Spot on, in fact. For example C.S. Lewis's Narnia series has strong biblical allusions. The second and last book, in particular. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe famously alludes to the crucifixion itself, and The Last Battle is an exploration of the End Days when Jesus returns. Quite widely written, this topic is.

Some might be stretching it a bit, for example Judas Priest's Painkiller contains a very perverse allusion to Jesus. Or does it, really?

And when such analyses go too far? Does any of you remember a children's song called Two Little Dicky Birds?

Two little dicky birds
Sitting on the wall
One named Peter
The other named Paul
Fly away Peter
Fly away Paul
Come back Peter
Come back Paul

Unbeknownst to many, this song is actually a veiled biblical reference. The two birds allude to, of course, the apostles by the same names. They are birds because it symbolizes their ability to travel (to spread the gospel), and the part about them flying away alludes to just that: spreading the gospel. The part about them coming back is, of course, when they return to Heaven to be by God's side.

This analysis is unbeknownst to many because it isn't even true in the first place. It's created by yours truly, to illustrate how we sometimes see ghosts when there are none to begin with. Maybe someone will catch wind of this and rumours will spread, and primary school teachers will be forced to take it out of the syllabus entirely.

Isn't the world wonderful?

The Prof :: 9:42 AM

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Jesus hanged from a tree? OMGWTF?

Don't know what I'm talking about? Check this out.

Acts 5:30 (NIV)

'The God of our fathers raised Jesus from the dead - whom you had killed by hanging him on a tree.'

I mean, huh?

I re-read that passage a few times, then freaked out and smsed Elim about the verse. That was about 4.30 in the morning.

I thought it was perhaps a figurative usage, as in 'You should just go and hang yourself' or something. Elim's reply was

'The cross is made of wood, which comes from the tree!'

Lol.

The Prof :: 10:14 AM